Natural vs. Epidural Childbirth

I'm still having a hard time sorting out my feelings on this topic. If you asked me straight up which way was better, I don't know if I would have an answer for you. There were many other circumstances that factored into my getting an epidural for my previous births, but I think a lot of that was due to where I was rather than the birth experience itself.

That's as good a place as any to start. Both girls were born in a hospital in Utah. Those hospital experiences were vastly different than my time here in a Wisconsin hospital. With Elsie's birth, I didn't really know what to expect. I tend to research a lot when I am pregnant, but with each pregnancy I've delved deeper and deeper into childbirth. I knew physically what was going to happen, but I didn't really look into the whole epidural/natural aspect. I gave birth in a hospital that liked epidurals and pitocin, so I ended up with an epidural shortly after arriving (after being offered one several times), and then was put on pitocin an hour later when I hadn't "progressed" enough for them.

(I have a hard time comparing anything to Alice's birth since there were a lot of special circumstances that resulted in me having an induction and epidural. See note at the end of the post.)

In Utah, it felt like everything was done by the book, almost like they were checking off boxes for childbirth. I was checked every hour to see how I had progressed. They made notes of the monitors for the baby and contractions instead of looking at me and how I was doing. Everything was brightly lite and the monitors were noisy. There was a definite rhythm to the Labor and Delivery ward, and I was supposed to fall in line with it. When I reached a certain dilation, I was told to start pushing. I pushed for about an hour before the doctor even showed up.

Granted, at the time I was perfectly alright with it. It was my first baby, my first time giving birth, and I was glad someone was telling me what to do. I trusted that they knew what was going on and I did everything they told me to. It is only now, after I've had a different experience, that I look back and see how little control or say I had in how I gave birth.

Here in Wisconsin, it was different. Even in the triage room, the lighting was dim and calm and quiet. Even when I was hooked up to the monitors, I don't remember anything beeping at me, except the occasional blood pressure reading. The nurse watched and listened to me to see how far apart my contractions were, not a screen. Including my time in triage, I think I was only checked to see how dilated I was three times in my whole eight hours of labor.

I think the major difference was the level of trust and respect that I was shown by my doctors and nurses in Wisconsin. They listened to me and what I said and watched how I acted, and then responded accordingly. I told them that I tend to be posterior and dilate slowly up to a certain point, and then all of a sudden I'm all the way open and ready to push. Not only did I feel like they took me at my word, but during one of my checks the doctor confirmed to me "oh yeah, I see what your saying, when this happens you'll probably be ready to go." Even when I started having a lot of extra bleeding before birth, they knew my birth history, knew it probably wouldn't be too much longer before he was born, and once they determined that the baby was safe, were satisfied that my body could get the job done.

Everything I read about giving birth naturally in a hospital felt like it was trying to prepare me to the fact that I would have to fight for my natural birth. If I wasn't 100% sure, if Alan was 100% supportive, I would end up with an epidural because hospitals are more comfortable with women giving birth with epidurals. Aside from when they asked if I intended to get pain relief in triage, no one ever said "epidural" to me. All I ever heard from everyone was how great I was doing and how well I was handling the contractions.

So how much of my experiences were due to natural/epidural, vs where I gave birth? It is all still very much muddled in my mind. How can I say that Clark's birth was better than Elsie's, when at the time they happened I was very satisfied with both experiences? They were both what they needed to be at the time they happened, and I'm alright with that.

Aside from the actual birth experience, I think I can confidently say that the recovery has been better with natural childbirth. The initial flood of emotions and relief after he came out helped counter balance all of the extra messing around the doctors had to do because of my bleeding. I ended up with stitches, like with my previous births, but besides the first day where I was a little sore, I really haven't had any pain or soreness associated with that region. Moving around in the hospital afterwards was a lot easier. I remember having to wake Alan up during the night to get the girls out of the bassinet because it hurt too much to sit up and grab them. With Clark, I was crawling over and in and out of the bed without difficulty. I have still had the postpartum baby blues (which are going on right now), so it would seem natural birth hasn't had any effect on that.

My final observation would have to be about body image. I'm soft and squishy in all sorts of awkward places, but all I can think about is that I carried and pushed out a NINE AND A HALF POUND BABY!! My body is awesome! It's amazing! Not only did it do that, but now it's making enough food for said huge baby with a matching appetite. I'm the heaviest I've ever been non-pregnant, and I don't even care. I think I look amazing and I feel amazing. I feel confident that my body will bounce back when it needs to; it's done a phenomenal job and all I need to do is be nice to it right now. I don't think I ever felt like this after my previous births.

Would I do it naturally again? Asking me that right now is kind of like asking me if I want to be pregnant again. Give me a few months and then maybe I'll have an answer.

Note: Up until 36 weeks of pregnancy with Alice, I had a complete placenta previa and was expected to deliver via c-section. One final ultrasound at 36 weeks showed that the placenta had moved just barely enough that I could try for a vaginal delivery, but the risk of c-section was still very much present. I was induced so they could closely monitor her birth, and then chose to have an epidural so if I did end up with an emergency c-section, I would be able to be awake and present for the birth. I didn't end up with a c-section, but if she hadn't of come out as fast as she did I very well could have had one.