Phantom pain

As silly as it sounds, I am so grateful for my Droid incredible smart phone. I don't know what I would have done without it these last few days in the hospital. It was my only link to the outside world. I was able to sit and use the internet to look up all the things that were done to me when the hospital staff didn't explain it well enough. I was able to look at pictures of Alice to help me get through all of my pumping sessions. I could surf the web to pass the time through all those long hours. I could call and talk to Alan or my mom or anyone else. I received support via text message. And, I could blog.

I don't even know if anyone besides my mom even reads this, but it has been a great outlet for me. I've been able to feel connected to the world beyond the walls of the hospital. It's help me work through my thoughts about what has happened. With all the medicines I've had pumping through my veins, my head has been in such a fog that typing things out has been my only real way of thinking clearly. I've been have sort of drug-induced lucid dreams where I have a hard time telling what is real or if things really happened. Writing things down (or typing, I guess) has helped me separate what's really happened and what I only thought happened.

I've heard about people losing a limb or other body part but still feeling pain in the phantom limb or thing they lost. I'm not feeling anything like that, but ever since I left the hospital I still feel things that aren't there anymore. I keep shaking my wrist to move the hospital bracelet that I already took off. I keep straightening my arm to accommodate the IV that they already took out. I keep rubbing my nose to fix the oxygen that I'm not wearing. It is a really weird sensation. I hope it fades away quickly.